Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Harold, cute, on train, yelling




Harold, in car, car on train, does not know why, cannot get off, confused, scared, panic-stricken, hair flopping around, glasses, tie, GOD.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Unbelievable! Mind-blowing pictures that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!



These are from one of the billion or so Facebook-linked pages, i. e.  Strange and Unusual Photos that will Amaze, Disturb, Sexually Arouse and Bankrupt You/Change Your Life Forever! (etc.)

Actually, they almost do.

This shot of a woman walking her pet lobster is - well - one of the strangest, taking your lunch out for a nice stroll before plunging it in boiling water and devouring it with drawn butter.




Oh, I like this. It's such a neat idea, and should be brought back. It's a portable sidecar/jail cell. This way, the cop can keep a good eye on the guy in case he tries to pry the bars apart.




Uh, a way to stack cars. A LOT of cars. Don't ask me how they got them up there, or, even harder to imagine, how they ever got them down. (Chariots of the Gods, maybe?)




A very famous 1930s swimmer, Hannah B. Lecter. No relation to that other guy.




There are several photos which depict hair-raising treatment of small children. There is a disturbing air of normalcy about it all, queasy-making today. These chain-link cages were attached to the windows of apartments so Little Johnnie could get some sunshine. Don't want him to have a Vitamin D deficiency as he goes hurtling down 20 floors and lands on the cement.




The things these nurses are carrying are babies. Yes, real live babies, wearing a sort of full-body gas mask, presumably during World War II. Note the little feet dangling down from the one on the right.




Do you know what? I must have a dirty mind, or else the military did. These holes in the sides of trains were designed so that soldiers could "kiss" their sweethearts one last time as they headed into battle. Their girl friends were supposed to stick their heads in there, but I think a hand might have been enough. I've heard stories about holes in the dividers of washroom cubicals, but mostly they're MEN's washrooms. But is it such a stretch to extrapolate? (Don't worry, "extrapolate" isn't anything dirty, or at least I don't think so.)

Now that I've had time to reflect on this awful situation, I realize this must be a boat of some kind. Perhaps these are portholes. Oh dear.




Weird things you could do with babies in the '40s. You could have them delivered by mail. Really.  Reminds me of those old Disney cartoons, Dumbo maybe, where babies were delivered by stork. After a while the practice was outlawed. There was no explanation here as to why, how, etc., just that you "could". In case you think this is impossible, during my recent exploration of Phil Spector and his famous "wall of sound", I discovered that he presented his wife with a set of twins for Christmas. No, I mean GAVE her a set of twins, for an actual Christmas present. The twins weren't babies either - they were five years old, and Spector was vague about where they had come from. Unlike many an unwanted Christmas gift, this one couldn't be returned.  Not surprisingly, they grew up with serious "issues". 




Salvador Dali and Coco Chanel. Whatever happened to this kind of glamour? It has all been airbrushed away.



 I can't tell if this was before or after hemlines went skyward, but it at least proves that ziplines are hardly new. If safety standards were the same as for that baby-in-a-cage, I wonder how many survived.




The invention comes with two sterile bandages to aid healing of the puncture wounds.




My personal favorite. There is a contemporary version of this, but I'll be damned if I can remember the name of  it, and I don't want to look it up because it's 12:22 and I haven't had lunch yet. But look at it: attached to what looks like a fire extinguisher, with all those strange gizmos around. Pretty terrifying, and it must've been hot in there. Why not just stick your fingers in your ears?


POST-BLOG REFLECTIONS. Since Matt begged me not to post any gifs, I'll do the next best thing. How could I NOT Blingee "The Isolator"?




Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Nouveau Blingee






















So this is what I've been working on, with Blingees. I was  getting a little tired of the sparkles and dancing hearts, and started experimenting with backgrounds on black-and-white photos (of Harold, naturally!). I'm finding out that less is more, and you should leave your foreground figures strictly alone. Thus they stand out rather alarmingly against the pulsating, flashing backgrounds. You could, if you wanted to, just use one type of background, maybe that swirling grey. I see now that it kind of dances up and down, when it's properly supposed to rise like smoke. The thing is, the more "bling" you add, the slower and jerkier the animation. Took me a while to find that out. I don't have Blingee 2, either, because you have to do something to your computer, and they want all sorts of personal info from you that I won't give. The top picture I'm not sure of - might be The Cat's Paw or Welcome Danger, because there's something Chinese about the whole thing, plus there's a dead body on the floor. The bottom one is, of course, my beloved Professor Beware, which I will probably never get to see because it is Lost. In all the stills, and there are hundreds of them, among the best of any of his movies, he looks adorable, with this stunned, panic-stricken look on his face that only Harold Lloyd can do.



Order The Glass Character from:

Thistledown Press 
Amazon.com

Chapters/Indigo.ca


The incredible genius of Yo Yo Ma



Every once in a while a piece of music pops into my head unbidden, from who knows where. We had a record of this piece played by Rostropovich, way back when, and listened the grooves off it. It's a gorgeous and amusing tone poem by Richard Strauss based on the adventures of Don Quixote, the Knight of the Woeful Countenance, and his sidekick Sancho Panza (I nearly said Pancho, but that's the Cisco Kid). This is YouTubed in six parts, but still worth hunting down and piecing together. This is my favorite of many favorite parts, the middle section, shimmering and shining with idealism like The Impossible Dream (and I must look up the best version of that one, sung by Richard Kiley). I always weep and bawl while listening to this, but then it seems I weep and bawl all the time now. Harold-itis. I just get the blues - I know I want this too badly. I can't see how anyone will get it, and I've put so many years in. The unreachable star?


The bunny from hell: an Easter tradition



At this time of year, you start seeing pictures of Easter bunnies so horrific, they make tawdry and terrifying Santas look downright festive.

It's hard for me to believe that this bunny suit was ever designed to be anything but horrible and frightening. This little girl has unusual composure while being forced to sit on the creature's lap. Most of the kids pictured here are screaming for their lives.




This is a good example of the time-honored custom of forcing small children to sit on the lap of, not just a total stranger (and haven't all kids been taught not to talk to strangers? How about sitting on their sweaty, motheaten knee?), but a hideous mythical creature they used to think was cute, fluffy and benevolent. Nothing  good could come from this pointy-eared bastard.



This is the Easter Cat. At least it looks like one. Whoever made the bunny suit kind of went wide of accuracy. The lifeless eyes and sagging body are already causing this little girl to whimper. She probably can't wait to get out of there.




I don't like the posture, here. I don't like way the bunny leans in with that vulpine leer. I don't like the fact that its head, which is supposed to be fluffy, seems to be carved out of  solid wood. I also don't like the fact that it looks as if the mouth opens and shuts.




This is a bad bunny, just bad. The little girl has mustered a smile, but is waiting to flee as soon as he gets his wretched paws off her. Dye this costume red, and it would make a pretty good Satan.




There's a web site called Cats that Look Like Hitler, but here I am proposing a web site called Easter Bunnies from the Third Reich. The large, black-rimmed holes with human eyes staring out of them are particularly menacing, and the moustache. . . that IS a moustache, isn't it? And why are the ears at right angles to the head? This isn't even a real costume, as the guy is slouching around in a cardigan and slacks, with only a hideous head and fur mitts to complete the ensemble. How Goebbels would have loved it.





I call this one the Abilify Bunny. His antidepressant has stopped working and he doesn't have the energy to go to his doctor. One of those little clouds is following him around, like in those ads.




This one I call the WTF??? Bunny. What's the deal with the face? Why is it jutting out of the guy's head? What is that thing in his hand? Is it a carrot or a Subway sandwich? You have to wonder who designs and sews these things. It looks like they may have chopped the head off a big plastic display bunny and welded it on.



 I call this the Action Shot. Did you think you were getting away from me, Little Girl? Think again! NO ONE escapes the Easter Bunny from Hell! You can run, but you can't hide!



Space alien bunny. Beam me up. Quick.




THE EGG HUNT FROM HELL: More creepy-looking, terrifying Easter bunnies!

(I just keep finding more! Take a look! AIEEEEEEEE!!)




Mildew J. Bunny.






Who makes these costumes, and should it be legal?




Wanted for holding up liquor stores.




"Run, little girl! Run for your life!"


Order The Glass Character from:

Thistledown Press 
Amazon.com

Chapters/Indigo.ca


S'gonna be Easter



Ain’t here yet, but
S’gonna be Easter,
That season of vinegar,
Of Paas egg kits



Now full of things like
Glitter glue and beads and
Twirly tops, whatever they are and
Foil things and
Punchout things



But when Ah was liddle it was jest aiggs
Jes’ hardboiled aigs on the kitchen tay-ble
With my brother in his worst shirt
And me in one of his worst shirts
Because I always dressed like him anyway
My mother wouldn’t spend the money
And didn’t notice



Ya dip the aig in, see, like
This sort of, and it comes out
All bright and sparkly and
Half this color and half that color and



Vinegar water with color in goes all over the table.
The thing with the most dyee of all is
Your fingertips, which are kinda like rainbows
Some so dy-eed they’re black.


No one wants to eat these aiggs, so fiddled and dipped and dried
Except Grandpa, who has one for breakfast
But everyone cried because he had to break the shell
And the smell of sulphur was really something awful.


Aigs, aigs, these are Easter egges,
Representing the tomb of Christ, the stone rolled away
The Resurrection of hatching
A chicken into a chick
And dipped fingers
And childhood returned, and returned, and returned


Once again.